Short?

Work experience always proves to be interesting. Im at a place called ITI and its really cool besides the fact that im not used to this kinda keyboard so i cant go all crazy mad type at the speed of light on this poor thing. the loosest key is the space bar and the keys randomly jam?!

Well basically this place is a really nice big and very light building where a whole bunch of designers work on things like labels and all sorts. not entirely sure this is what i want to do with my life but its not a bad place to work at all.

i shall do my art homework. adios amego's (spell?)

How to Prevent Becoming "the other girl", or is it sometimes better to be "The other girl"

1. Be a stupid slut and wear your skirt so far up your legs that everyone can see your underwear when you walk up a flight of stairs

2. It’s all about cleavage. If you don’t have any, buy a super duper push up bra that’ll fake the "I have huge boobs" look

3. While doing the above, ensure that your shirt is low hanging and bares a lot (your lacy bra). To make matters worse, bend over a lot to reveal that already revealed lace, making sure that everyone can see that you’re wearing nice lingerie

4. Play hard to get, but not: If you know what I mean. Playing it mean won’t always keep him keen, so why not just be a slag and do your thing?
5. If you’re reading this and all you see in it is yourself, take a step back and look at yourself.

How about, you look on the other side of things.

1. If a guy wants you to be "the girl" and not "the other girl", you’ll be that. If he doesn’t want you to be "the girl", no amount of slutting around will help. It’ll just secure you a space as "that girl" and you’ll find yourself used.

2. If you believe all of the above you’re disillusioned. Talking to my guy friends, I managed to squeeze out the fact that of course they’re going to enjoy all of this. It’s in their nature, they’re male. They’re supposed to be driven by sexual desires. However, not one guy that I’ve talked to has told me that any of this will make the above mentioned female "The girl". Because when you’re a dirty little slut, you become everyone’s girl. No guy is going to start believing you’re the girl of his dreams, the girls he’s been waiting for and the girl he’s going to love eternally because he’s going to think that if you’ve got so little self respect that you’re so easy for him to get with, you’re just as easy for other guys to get with.

3. Wear sexy clothing. Wear it to impress. Be sexy, be young, be beautiful. But you must be this for yourself. Dress in what makes you feel comfortable. Why do all females do this? Why do i do this? Why do we all dress in clothing that makes us feel cheap and uncomfortable to impress guys? Starting today I’m taking a stand against this. I will wear only what makes me feel beautiful. If you feel beautiful, generally this radiates off of you and you look beautiful. The confidence that you feel is catchy, and people can sense it. We’re all more drawn towards those who are happy to be bouncing around in their own skin (and their most comfortable clothing).

4. If you’re not the one, don’t go to extremes. Desperation can bomb onto the best of us, and at some stage of our lives were all going to feel as if we need to alter who we are for the sake of love. Don’t. Just don’t. Everyone was made unique for a reason. If you’re meant to be with someone and if someone loves you, they won’t try and change you. If you’re insane, that’s awesome. If you’re a total nerd, that’s super cool. What works for you is all that matters. Ultimately, if you change you’re more than likely going to hate yourself for it.

Stick to being the way you are, because everyone is perfect in their own way and if the person you love doesn’t like it that way, then they are obviously not “The one” and you should be quite happy just being “the other girl”.

Breaking the Eclipse fever

I was the original fan, I loved the twilight series way before they came out as movies. So now that Twilight and New moon fever has passed, were faced with Eclipse fever. Heres my viewpoint :)

5 reasons i wouldn’t date Edward Cullen:
1.I am slightly mad and if he could read my mind i think he would kill me for the sake of humanity
2.Jasper would be better suited for me as he looks as if hes just come out of an asylum
3.I have a phobia of being watched in my sleep
4.He can play the piano better than me and I would be jealous of the competition
5.He would run away from me and no amount of stalking or chasing would enable me to find and catch him

5 reasons I wouldnt date Jacob Black:
1. When you think about it, that would be beastiality
2. He can turn into a doggie. Now that is cool. However I would not make out with my dog
3. Although his warmth would be nice in the winter, hed be an irritation in the summer. Like a walking heater
4. He would live all the way in La Push. I live in South africa. I think that may be an issue
5. In all honesty, his "buffness" isnt really appealing at all. Theres something about a walking brick wall that does not blow my coke can to smithereens.

Now isnt that refreshing? Love the story, hate the fan girls

World Cup Fever- Love or hate?

So there’s all this world cup crap. Millions spent when millions are actually needed. It was last night when i was making my usual "look at this rubbish" comments and my boyfriend said "do you have to be so damn cynical?" that i began to think, am i over thinking this? Should I be protesting or should I be sheeping along just like every other person in this country with a "live for the moment" mindset. Heres what I figure:

Cons of this World Cup thing

How much exactly does this world cup cost? R28 BILLION. BILLION!!! ITs costing our freaking country BILLIONS!!! (i will now go for a run to ease my anger before returning)
Do they not see? This stupid government i mean. How many are starving in our country? On average, 50 000 children a year. That’s only children, that discludes adults and animals. I’m not even going to include animals or adults in this.
Now, if we took this 28 billion that’s being spent on a month filled with people kicking a ball around and spent it on something far more important (such as all of those who are starving) can you imagine the difference it makes? South Africans need support from our government. Both in forms of food, and health care.
And no, Jacob Zuma, taking a shower is not going to solve the problem of aids. And do you not realise that pretty much the majority of our country don’t have access to showers let alone running water? Hmm. Think about that next time you degrade one of your many wives.
Okay, this is it for the cons as i could go on forever. *cough cough* crime *cough cough* what happens after the world cup *cough cough* human trafficking *cough cough* excuse me, i accidentally breathed in my food.

Pros of this World Cup thing

South Africa is supposedly a diverse country. However, those living in it know the unfortunate truth. With Apartheid shadowing over us permanently, it is nearly impossible to forget it and move on with life. Especially since younger generations such as my own have not experienced apartheid and do not understand why we should pay for our ancestors? Don’t get me wrong. I am completely against apartheid and all that comes along with it. I just believe that i did not do anything wrong. I don’t have, have never had and will not ever have anything against anyone of another race. This is one thing that the world cup has aided South Africa with. BAFANA BAFANA! There’s no "kaizer chiefs" or "Orlando pirates" There’s just Bafana Bafana. This unifies us. It doesn’t matter whether you’re black, white, Indian, Asian, were all one. We stand together as one team against the rest of the world. One thing i noticed yesterday when we celebrated the opening of the world cup was that driving through my area there was a buzz. A buzz that was shared throughout races. Everyone forgot their hatred and prejudice and came together as a country. This is something our country does in fact need.

So ill leave it up to you, The 2010 World Cup, Hosted by our own South Africa, Love it or Hate it?

School

A place we all go to get brainwasher. A place where were encouraged not to be ourselves and to fit in with everyone else. WHat a place to grow up, right?

.daTes.

can you not return to the way it was before? being something amoungst a vast nothing. A nothing with a something. Me with a you. A you wanting to be with a Me. a me wanting to be anything but a you.

If i could go back, 22nd December 2009, i would change the world. I would change my ideas i would change my mind i would change so that it didnt affect me how it currently does.

If i could go back, 28 April 2009, i would change my life. A life fulled with something i still greatly yearn for and wish for. A life that consists of what i need. What i fight for. All i would ever want.

If i could go back...if i could go back. I would go back. 30 December 2006. 28th April 2007. 4 September 2008. 28th April 2009. Some i cherish and some i regret, some i wish i knew nothing of. But ill always know something of nothing of how i feel. Lets take a walk down memory milky lane to the abator, they can slaughter a cow why not slaughter my regrets? slaughter. sick bastards. Make the change.

To be...

To be what im not would be great
To be what i am is a curse
To hold in my arms my own heart
To contract it to make it worse

To believ that there is a cure
To stop this lobotomy dead
To think theres a point in opporating
On this already bashed in head

To believe and trust in miracles
To think that god is real
To walk along an imaginary friend
There is no god revealed

To think you are alone
To know you have no chance
To say a lie in hope
To scream and sing and dance

To lie about your future
To lie about your past
To lie about your present
To make it all up fast

But will you ever notice
Will you ever see right here
is something that is constant
Will never disapear

Right here is someone glued
To the floor with a bond tight
A lifetime of deception
to this thing that is so right

So lie to me again
Feed my masochistic mind
Then drag me round the corner
The rest left undefined.

People?

I look around me and I feel like an idiot. Surrounded by idiots in a world that consists of idiots. We do idiotic things, illogical things and we do them all the time!
Walking up my road and around where i live this morning, it occured to me that human beings really are the strangest creatures iv ever come across. It was the comraides marathon this morning so of course i got up and watched (after being out all night and not really sleeping but thats besides the point-in fact that is the point, strange things that humans do) and it just seemed so strange to me.
The clothes people wear, the way they talk, cars, cellphones, walking (think about it-how arb is walking!) and something that made me burst out laughing (another strange human trait) was seeing thousands clapping.
Now this strange amusement may bewilder some, however, think about how ridiculously arb clapping is!! What are we, neanderthols??!! And how can we be (i be) so dumb as to think were anything but?
Its just odd to think of how we live, the things we do, how pointless our exhistance is. do we live to die, do we die to live do we wish to die??
Confessions Of A Melancolic Teenager?

Hey, you’re on fire.

Hey, you’re on fire.

I screamed without noise.
I spoke without thought
I lived without breath, rebelled but not caught
I laughed without reason
I judged with no sin
I kept my emotions hidden within
I hid from your wrath
Your poisonous gaze
Running
to Escape
This tangled maze
I ignored your cries
Oblivious for years
And now, your silence.
Deafens my ears

Yet, with your lips so close I shudder in the night
This is so wrong, no, oh so right
A natural high presented on your breath
The taste of freedom. of bliss, of death?
You’re my escape from lack of control
The hope i endure and hide
One day i know you’ll save me
From these rules i always abide

So.
she said there was more to life
Than confiding in a friend
she could always make it alone
But she started at the end
she said she felt complete
But as the cracks in her mirror would tell
she looked at that pale visage
And all she felt was dull
There were no shatters in her smile
But she’s been away too long
she disappeared into nothing
Never could stand being wrong

A rebel against the human race
No way can she conform
A marriage with nature bound so tight
It never could be torn
Will you save me your last breath or will you cry alone?
Reveal to me your secret you silenced, pathetic drone
Will you believe me when i say there’s hope or
Will you shake your head in dismay?
Will you cry if i screamed in agony?
Or will you selfishly walk away

Years have passed without a sound
A silence possessed by death
For death is all there is to life, life is death.
death is life is death is inevitable.
You cant stop the inevitable
But you can lie for all you know
You can put on a contented mask
And Be. nothing .
But, an act, a show

Were all dead, she said
However, this knowledge has not yet reached our hearts
If we were to discover, she said
Wed all but I depart
One sharp bullet, a hang mans noose
Do It, Do it, do it
After all, you’re are weak. you have no excuse

i convince those who are weak and dead
To walk this lonely mind
You’ll discover a misery so ridiculously deep
You won’t ever leave it behind

Celebrate the heart ache
Celebrate the pain
For pain makes a girl pretty
It makes a girl insane
My talent is being talentless
My point is being pointless
My heart is being heartless
And my soul has left me soulless.

I wear my underwear on the outside
Only to override the past
Which can’t be simply overridden?
So. far into insanity i’m driven


Silver tongues that cut through my veins like razor blades
Well played
I inform thin air that this means nothing to me
Though companionless I’m not brainless
I have thought which eats my flesh
Slurp! There go my arteries...

You’re driven by desire.
That rough cheek, that calm smile, the one that’s not yours, nor will be yours.
That mind is driven by its own hatred for you. But then again, why not?

The things you can't ever say

Theres some things that will never make sense. Being a teenager i unfortunately come face to face with these everyday. But the one thing that baffles me more than why the hell the most tasty thing in the world (chocolate) has to be so damn fattening is the fact that lots of the time im angry even though i have no right to be. Im hurt when i have no right to be. But im never happy when i have no right to be? Where is the justice and the love and the freedom? Why cant we feel rightless bliss?

So he walks away from you. He's your world. However, naturally things will never be perfect. You get to school and after staying up working all night you fail. You spend forever getting dressed up and noone so much as looks at you. You say only the kindest of words to those around you and all you get in response is abuse. You tell no lies and all you get told are lies. Where is the justice? Whats the point in this hopeless struggle we endure day today?

He walks away from you. You try not to make him your world. But if you dont he hates you if you walk away he hates you when you cry he hates you when you are free he hates you and yet you arnt entitled to walk away when you need to. Or maybe you dont want to. Even though he doesnt want you to, he does so himself. And you aim to walk after him following in his footsteps however when he turns around you find that your own footsteps disapear as you turn to look at him. Youre invisable, you lack beauty, you lack strength, you lack love you torture yourself in order to stay intact. You should be punished, right? Punished for leaving no marks in the sand though you walk over your steps repeatedly trying to leave an indent in the land trying to be something more trying to hurt him trying to hurt yourself and trying to free your body of inspiration for all you ever are is inspired all you ever do is scream with desire to be freed of so much inspiration which provides you with so much hurt, are you diseased? Should you come with a safety warning? Are you a hazard to those around you? Are you contagious? Youre the only one in sight and in mind, out of sight out of mind of your own accord how can this be true when all you want to do is shout with repressing and eliminate the foul deeds cast upon society by those who dont understand and dont believe everything you have to say you type so fast but nooone will read you scream so loud will you ever succeed? Will you ever succeeed?

Will. You. Ever. Succeed.
Will. You. Ever. Be Freed?

Will you make a difference or will you fall into a rut as i do so often? The same activities day after day it makes no difference how you fall youre never going to stop falling you cant climb this ladder it makes no difference how hard you try youre going to fall. Youre going to fall. Youre going to die because its all you should do through all that you have done. You tried so hard but in the end does it even matter? When everything else shatters. It becomes unknown, theres nothing to know. Theres nothing to show for the mark you didnt leave behind. When youre barely seventeen and you work. All you do is work. Work work work work work follows you through your day it stalks you and pierces your veins. Belief is never known, right? You lack anitiative to believe. Nothing can make you believe because theres nothing to believe. SELFISH is your middle name though only internally. Youd never express it you must repress it or youll someday confess it. Forget it.

Youre driven by desire. That rough cheek, that calm smile, the one thats not yours, nore will be yours. That mind is driven by its own hatred for you. But then again, why not?

May peace be with your rotting soul, my rotting soul, and his rotting soul.

I see a red door and i want it painted black

HOLIDAYS FINALLY :D
GOsh. I gots 91% for art so im keen...but here i am doing my 2nd term art project...already.
My brother just got home from the Goldfish concert. Unfortunately for him, in typical South African style, just a few cars in front of him he got to see a smash and grab..some unfortunate victim of our disgusting country.

I do my best to be positive about this place, i really do. We have beatiful weather (some days), beautiful landscapes and the most amazing beaches and mountains (whice i guess fit into landscapes!) but what sickens me is our idiot government. As a teenager, i want to go out. I want to be free and i want to be able to enjoy myself. But the thing is that i cant. Theres no way. As a young girl, i am even more at risk as people think its easy to take advantage of me. Which i guess it is since theres no way id be able to defend myself if someone shoved a gun in my face.

Even walking through Durban with my mom one day, a man jumped at me and grabbed my hips.. i shall continue when my phone call is over

Moofie

I saw Shutter Island with my boyfriend, Dan last night. Holy crap it was amazing! Completely and utterly thrilling but a really awesome moofie anyway! I was terrified but didnt leave cuz i was so into the moofie and wanted to find out what happened.
Here;s me and dan in one of those overly priced portrait studios :)

HA HA HA!

Worry? Please don’t worry i’m killing myself slowly falling downwards to the grounded so i cant buy my pills me under drowns in melancallme stupid ill eat your face me like a manage to believe in the crap you feed meandering throwing up my misery loves company oh i love companies selling me pills! Oh hoe hoe hoe! Merry christmust die ona cross my heart and hope to fucking diet so i lose my extra flabagasted at my disease from standing up too quickly dying...

Oh the exhaustion!

Alas, i only walked 25 km in the long walk :( sigh. in grade 8 i managed 55 which i thought was a good achievement. this year i kinda stopped being able to walk :D Im going for 80km next year tho, which should be fun :)
Piccies!

Well the play went really well, our play won yey :D heres some pics. firstly me and my gay bf robert dear, then me, robert dear, carla and i cant remember who else that picture consisted of, and lastly me, lara and sam at spur after we won :) we told the spur people that it was our director, nick, birthday so he got a happy ice cream thing as well as a sparkler and they sung to him :D

Blog blog

Im blogging now because i have to. WEll i feel obligued to... so heres my blog!
Hmm. iv got 5 hours of play prac today D:

Graphics Tablet

I hope you can read this!!! Its me with my graphics tablet :D

Numb

I feel drunk today. Or high. Or an odd combination of both. I havent been noticing when someones talking to me and earlier when Rob was poking me i didnt even notice. also i dont know how good it is to be shaking like an old person :) ah well. Um...good thing about today?? argh i dunno.

The new Moses Mabida stadium was a fucking waste of money. To be honest its beautiful and everything (i went up in the funny cable car thing to see whats so great about it), and although i dont give a shit about mankind i still think its wrong to waste all that money on sport when theres millions starving. and what about the starving animals?? THats what im really bothered about. Speaking of which, if those assholes think its okay to slaughter innocent animals before each game, i dont see why i cant take a nice box of matches and a machine gun and burn down the stadium while shooting the fucking idiots who think that animal cruelty is a game.

This is my giant FUCK YOU to all those stupid selfish idiots out there who believe they are more important than animals. Humans sin permanently. Hell, i sin every day. I have never met an animal who has sinned in the way us humans have, so why the fuck should they have to suffer? Why should we have to prove our position in the food chain? I would rather watch a hundred human bodies burn than see one selfish cruel idiot slit the throat of an innocent bull. Fuck you South Africa. Fuck you and your selfishness.

Hicups

what REALLY pisses me off about life is getting hic ups. Like what the hell. ITs the third time today aaaargh! And i havent even eaten or drunken anything before getting them sigh :) sometimes things just refuse to go your way aaah well. ITs just hic ups geez not like ima get killed or anything, im just in a sooper wierd mood...
So deal with it imaginary blog followers. I love talking to cyber space, because cyber space understands!

My very own fml moment

Today i was playing a song i wrote specialy for my boyfriend on the piano. I have been working on this piece for ages, like a few years.. WHen i finished playing i turned around and saw him fast asleep with his headphones in his ears listening to very loud death metal. Fml sad :)

Ses meh

How lame. was. this. day.
I woke up feeling crap. I walked to school feeling crap. I got to school and felt crap. I went to class and felt crap. I went to break and felt crap. I got home and it was a little bit better but ive got this awful deep feeling that theres something missing, and the worst part is that i have no idea what it could possibly be. Its something more than anything human. Its negative emotion. Almost like a black hole which consists of negative space, but rather its negative emotion. So basically im a gigantic negative emotioned black hole and although i may absorb information and affection, instead of using it for good i just suck it up and it is transported somewhere unknown. How depressing is that?? Ooooh well. Heres a picture for my happiness pledge.

Peace

☆┌─┐─┐☆
│▒│ /▒/
│▒│/▒/
│▒ /▒/─┬─┐
│▒│▒|▒│▒│
┌ ┴─┴─┐-┘─┘ ●●Peace●●
│▒┌──┘▒▒▒│
└┐▒▒▒▒▒▒┌┘
└┐▒▒▒▒┌
Peace is a vital lesson we all need to learn...so learn it bitches! I dont feel like play practice today. But i guess i should go!! But still!

Write love on your arms...

Its an important cause to me-helping stop teen suicide and depression, heres my pics from the day :)

Trust

It’s amazing how you can expect something for years and then can be proved so greatly wrong. When the back of your mind starts screaming “tell them now or it will never happen, this is your chance, and you’ll regret it if you don’t take a risk”. When you’re afraid of admitting weakness in order to save someone else the burden of your troubles and when you finally let go of your feelings, you find understanding and comfort rather than harshness and anger. You find a sort of forgiveness, even though what you had done had harmed no one but yourself. It’s good to admit your weaknesses. No matter how insane you may think they are. Often you’ll be pleasantly surprised by a reaction, and you’ll gain trust towards the person you confided in. Trust is a vital aspect of humanity, as I have learnt recently. You must not hand out your trust, but you must ensure that you do not deprive those who are worthy of it either. Hold back your trust for as long as you need to, but learn that it is important to trust in order to learn. For even if the trust is destroyed, you would have walked out a stronger, wiser person.

Ha! Sweet revenge.

HA! In your face kyle! Yes! After months and months and months of trying to get your attention and trying to win you back as a friend i finally give up! Whoop im proud of myself. and even more proud because of the fact that you were bummed all day-it just shows, you dont know what youve got til its gone :)

So my good thing of the day is my ability to finally give in. and expect results. more updates soon i hope :)

Gawsh slowness

One thing that bugs me more than anything else is a slow computer. i cant STAND it grr. well im on a school pc right now blogging... my resolution.
Hummmmmm i guess my friends are cool. (im saying that in such an unsure way so that if any of them come up behind me and try to talk to me theyll be offended- blogging in serious business and i do not wish to be disturbed :)) so ya. there, happy? i blogged about something positive whoop go me!

I woke up with a cockroach crawling all over me the other night. that was deeply unsettling as i dont enjoy having my arm being used as a freeway for creepy little creatures with long antennas who have survived everything for billions and billions of years :) meh.

I never quite know what to write on these things. Im finished my work. Which is honestly kinda lame because i hate having nothing to do- especially when im extremely uninspired. 5 minutes left to share my boring thoughts with the world!

The funniest thing ever is the fact that i only have one follower on this thing :) and that is my good old friend Steve-dear. The name Steve is not good enough on its own so i added and - and a "dear" to the end of it just to make life a bit more interesting. When typing that sentence, i innitially typed "steve-dead" so steve-dear my darling steve-dead, this is dedicated to you.

Claire is stupid. Shes been trying to access my blog for freakign years but theres no ways in hell shell ever find it because i have a cool alias.

u\o reseviouerrr!

SIGH!

I guess my bad luck is rather funny. when youve waited and waited patiently for months...
and then you decide to give yourself a break and not wait anymore...
and then while youre not waiting what you had previously been waiting for happens within 5 minutes.......
Now THAT is bad luck :D but rather helerious bad luck if i may say so myself!
ou resevoir!!
xx

Today is a new start!

Today i am going to blog about good things, not bad things. Because i just read back on my blog and im like a phychotic emo (who cant spell to save her life) So here i go. A list of my favourite things:
1. Black comedy- nomatter how much homework you have, it can always wait when theres black comedy on. My favourite is (oh crap i cant remember, its about an old lady that kills people) and hot fuzz
2. Art- theres nothing better than painting things all over my cupboards. I know itll be impossible to get it off when we sell the house, but i dont care. thats the buyers problem
3. Tea- theres nothing better than a hot cup of tea after a horrible day. sometimes i even come home early so that i can have tea :)
4. These people..

well my aim for now is to blog nicely once a day, and to add one thing i like about this world every day (hippie hippie i know i know)

Lost.

Ive lost my appetite.
I lie awake at night.
I have lost my social skills.
I dont enjoy the usual activities.
I find it impossible to read.
I cant handle noise.
When a windows not open i freak out.
I sit on my own in class because i dont like being talked to.
I am such a freaking lost cause its scary.