The things you can't ever say

Theres some things that will never make sense. Being a teenager i unfortunately come face to face with these everyday. But the one thing that baffles me more than why the hell the most tasty thing in the world (chocolate) has to be so damn fattening is the fact that lots of the time im angry even though i have no right to be. Im hurt when i have no right to be. But im never happy when i have no right to be? Where is the justice and the love and the freedom? Why cant we feel rightless bliss?

So he walks away from you. He's your world. However, naturally things will never be perfect. You get to school and after staying up working all night you fail. You spend forever getting dressed up and noone so much as looks at you. You say only the kindest of words to those around you and all you get in response is abuse. You tell no lies and all you get told are lies. Where is the justice? Whats the point in this hopeless struggle we endure day today?

He walks away from you. You try not to make him your world. But if you dont he hates you if you walk away he hates you when you cry he hates you when you are free he hates you and yet you arnt entitled to walk away when you need to. Or maybe you dont want to. Even though he doesnt want you to, he does so himself. And you aim to walk after him following in his footsteps however when he turns around you find that your own footsteps disapear as you turn to look at him. Youre invisable, you lack beauty, you lack strength, you lack love you torture yourself in order to stay intact. You should be punished, right? Punished for leaving no marks in the sand though you walk over your steps repeatedly trying to leave an indent in the land trying to be something more trying to hurt him trying to hurt yourself and trying to free your body of inspiration for all you ever are is inspired all you ever do is scream with desire to be freed of so much inspiration which provides you with so much hurt, are you diseased? Should you come with a safety warning? Are you a hazard to those around you? Are you contagious? Youre the only one in sight and in mind, out of sight out of mind of your own accord how can this be true when all you want to do is shout with repressing and eliminate the foul deeds cast upon society by those who dont understand and dont believe everything you have to say you type so fast but nooone will read you scream so loud will you ever succeed? Will you ever succeeed?

Will. You. Ever. Succeed.
Will. You. Ever. Be Freed?

Will you make a difference or will you fall into a rut as i do so often? The same activities day after day it makes no difference how you fall youre never going to stop falling you cant climb this ladder it makes no difference how hard you try youre going to fall. Youre going to fall. Youre going to die because its all you should do through all that you have done. You tried so hard but in the end does it even matter? When everything else shatters. It becomes unknown, theres nothing to know. Theres nothing to show for the mark you didnt leave behind. When youre barely seventeen and you work. All you do is work. Work work work work work follows you through your day it stalks you and pierces your veins. Belief is never known, right? You lack anitiative to believe. Nothing can make you believe because theres nothing to believe. SELFISH is your middle name though only internally. Youd never express it you must repress it or youll someday confess it. Forget it.

Youre driven by desire. That rough cheek, that calm smile, the one thats not yours, nore will be yours. That mind is driven by its own hatred for you. But then again, why not?

May peace be with your rotting soul, my rotting soul, and his rotting soul.