My story :)

A perfectly innocent, perfectly normal and previously content girl sat and ate an ice cream. She talked to herself in her head, speaking riddles and rhymes and internally creating poetry that revolved around the beauty of nature and her surrounds.

She began to quietly whisper to herself and random objects around her. She told the trees of their beauty and she commented on the prodigious hues that radiated off of the surface of the grass. Her icecream dripped down onto her skirt and she laughed, bending over to lick the creamy goodness off of the garment. She looked up and her eyes rested upon a pair of shoes. She lifted her gaze and followed the shoes to a pair of jeans, a children of bodom shirt and finally to an unfortunately familiar face. She closed her eyes shut and wished that he was not really standing before her. For a moment she forgot his presense as she spoke herself into her imaginary world-a world where he did not exhist and where he did not dominate her nightmares.
“Please dont...” she began. He smiled that sick and twisted smile he always had and as it spread over his face she tried to stand up and run. The bubble she was trapped in held her down and she was unable to pick herself up and off of the ground. She fell down hopelessly and pulled her legs towards her chest, guarding her torso from pain and hurt. Please may this be a dream. He hair fell gently onto her cheek and her bewitching blue eyes were shut closed. A tear fell over her nose and dropped to the grass. The bubble tightened around her fragile body and she felt herself being constricted. He sat beside the suffocating girl and he smiled gently. He bent over and placed his hand on her shoulder. He brought his lips towards her ear and whispered “Im still here”. Her stomach turned with sick as his presense overcame her and taunted her. She did not love him. She just simply couldnt escape his antics, his abuse and his manipulation. His sick perverted and twisted idea’s led her mind backwards.

She thought a year back to a night where the moon seemed to overpower the strength of the night. The stars had shined as they never had before. She had felt nothing in a few years, simply going about her daily business as she deemed necessary. Hours passed, days passed, weeks passed, years passed. She promised herself that the situation would improve and that she just had to wait.

Mulan had taught her that a girl should always do what she had to to please those she loved. She had cut off her hair to spare her father and had raced off to war, saving an army general whom she had fallen in love with. Along with all of this she had saved China, been put down by the man of her dreams and had been left to die in the snow cold and alone.

The night she thought of had been a night of taking a risk with a great price to pay. She knew that she should not let herself go and trusted him when she had taken that risk, however she went against her better judgement and gave up. What did it matter anyway? Flashbacks pounded in her head. She had not wanted that. He had done it anyway. She remembered running off to the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. She had fallen to the floor and had laid curled up in a ball as she was currently doing. Her body was natural and bare, her blood intoxicated and her mind manic. As she left she spoke to herself, telling herself that it was okay and that it was her fault rather than his. She convinced herself that he had not meant to hurt her and that she was not really hurt but was rather just being stupid. They drove from the curved stairs and the thick vines which hung from a scarred and memory which impregnated her dreams and tormented her young heart.

Its not me, she whispered. She opened her eyes and through the bubble she could see the reflected face which contained his egocentric, sex dominated, retributed brain. A month had taught her that the only person she could trust was herself. She had gone insane, made astounding mistakes and told implausible lies which had uplifted her in a way that she could never fully express .

His cruel voice constructed the usual destructive syllables. On any other day she would have imploded; self destruction was the easiest solution, but today she felt exceptional. She felt a force inside of her unlike anything she had ever felt before. She felt an uncontrollable urge to avenge her soul and rise up against the antagonisingly unrighteous forces he had inflicted upon her for years. She knew that she was exactly where she wanted to be. The bubble loosened. She gasped for breath and began to inhale small, translucent gushes of oxygen which barely fulled her lungs but which allowed her to eliminate the numbness that was overcoming her body.
I have the incredible strength to do whatever i want to do and noone can tell me otherwise. She moved her knees apart from her chest slightly and her body gradually eased as she felt the bubble loosen further.

Theres hope and I have found it. He was taken aback by the sudden movement in her body. Colour began to form on her cheeks and she could feel her pulse beating strong and fast in her wrists. He stood watching dumbfounded as she spoke her way out of the balloon that had her tightly wound in a cacoon of denial and dependance.

You have no control. The balloon burst, cause him to fall backwards and land flat on the ground. She untanged her limbs and rose from the cold surface of the balloon. A tingling sensation emerged from her toes and it made its way up through her calves, slowly working its way up her body. It tickled her spine and smashed into her head. She was so overcome with strength that she let out a loud and hard laugh so ridiculous that it provoked further laughter. She stood and tears of joy sprayed out of her tear ducts as she laughed reasonlessly. She slapped her knee and screamed uncontrollably, only to look up and see that he was finally gone.

Short?

Work experience always proves to be interesting. Im at a place called ITI and its really cool besides the fact that im not used to this kinda keyboard so i cant go all crazy mad type at the speed of light on this poor thing. the loosest key is the space bar and the keys randomly jam?!

Well basically this place is a really nice big and very light building where a whole bunch of designers work on things like labels and all sorts. not entirely sure this is what i want to do with my life but its not a bad place to work at all.

i shall do my art homework. adios amego's (spell?)

How to Prevent Becoming "the other girl", or is it sometimes better to be "The other girl"

1. Be a stupid slut and wear your skirt so far up your legs that everyone can see your underwear when you walk up a flight of stairs

2. It’s all about cleavage. If you don’t have any, buy a super duper push up bra that’ll fake the "I have huge boobs" look

3. While doing the above, ensure that your shirt is low hanging and bares a lot (your lacy bra). To make matters worse, bend over a lot to reveal that already revealed lace, making sure that everyone can see that you’re wearing nice lingerie

4. Play hard to get, but not: If you know what I mean. Playing it mean won’t always keep him keen, so why not just be a slag and do your thing?
5. If you’re reading this and all you see in it is yourself, take a step back and look at yourself.

How about, you look on the other side of things.

1. If a guy wants you to be "the girl" and not "the other girl", you’ll be that. If he doesn’t want you to be "the girl", no amount of slutting around will help. It’ll just secure you a space as "that girl" and you’ll find yourself used.

2. If you believe all of the above you’re disillusioned. Talking to my guy friends, I managed to squeeze out the fact that of course they’re going to enjoy all of this. It’s in their nature, they’re male. They’re supposed to be driven by sexual desires. However, not one guy that I’ve talked to has told me that any of this will make the above mentioned female "The girl". Because when you’re a dirty little slut, you become everyone’s girl. No guy is going to start believing you’re the girl of his dreams, the girls he’s been waiting for and the girl he’s going to love eternally because he’s going to think that if you’ve got so little self respect that you’re so easy for him to get with, you’re just as easy for other guys to get with.

3. Wear sexy clothing. Wear it to impress. Be sexy, be young, be beautiful. But you must be this for yourself. Dress in what makes you feel comfortable. Why do all females do this? Why do i do this? Why do we all dress in clothing that makes us feel cheap and uncomfortable to impress guys? Starting today I’m taking a stand against this. I will wear only what makes me feel beautiful. If you feel beautiful, generally this radiates off of you and you look beautiful. The confidence that you feel is catchy, and people can sense it. We’re all more drawn towards those who are happy to be bouncing around in their own skin (and their most comfortable clothing).

4. If you’re not the one, don’t go to extremes. Desperation can bomb onto the best of us, and at some stage of our lives were all going to feel as if we need to alter who we are for the sake of love. Don’t. Just don’t. Everyone was made unique for a reason. If you’re meant to be with someone and if someone loves you, they won’t try and change you. If you’re insane, that’s awesome. If you’re a total nerd, that’s super cool. What works for you is all that matters. Ultimately, if you change you’re more than likely going to hate yourself for it.

Stick to being the way you are, because everyone is perfect in their own way and if the person you love doesn’t like it that way, then they are obviously not “The one” and you should be quite happy just being “the other girl”.

Breaking the Eclipse fever

I was the original fan, I loved the twilight series way before they came out as movies. So now that Twilight and New moon fever has passed, were faced with Eclipse fever. Heres my viewpoint :)

5 reasons i wouldn’t date Edward Cullen:
1.I am slightly mad and if he could read my mind i think he would kill me for the sake of humanity
2.Jasper would be better suited for me as he looks as if hes just come out of an asylum
3.I have a phobia of being watched in my sleep
4.He can play the piano better than me and I would be jealous of the competition
5.He would run away from me and no amount of stalking or chasing would enable me to find and catch him

5 reasons I wouldnt date Jacob Black:
1. When you think about it, that would be beastiality
2. He can turn into a doggie. Now that is cool. However I would not make out with my dog
3. Although his warmth would be nice in the winter, hed be an irritation in the summer. Like a walking heater
4. He would live all the way in La Push. I live in South africa. I think that may be an issue
5. In all honesty, his "buffness" isnt really appealing at all. Theres something about a walking brick wall that does not blow my coke can to smithereens.

Now isnt that refreshing? Love the story, hate the fan girls

World Cup Fever- Love or hate?

So there’s all this world cup crap. Millions spent when millions are actually needed. It was last night when i was making my usual "look at this rubbish" comments and my boyfriend said "do you have to be so damn cynical?" that i began to think, am i over thinking this? Should I be protesting or should I be sheeping along just like every other person in this country with a "live for the moment" mindset. Heres what I figure:

Cons of this World Cup thing

How much exactly does this world cup cost? R28 BILLION. BILLION!!! ITs costing our freaking country BILLIONS!!! (i will now go for a run to ease my anger before returning)
Do they not see? This stupid government i mean. How many are starving in our country? On average, 50 000 children a year. That’s only children, that discludes adults and animals. I’m not even going to include animals or adults in this.
Now, if we took this 28 billion that’s being spent on a month filled with people kicking a ball around and spent it on something far more important (such as all of those who are starving) can you imagine the difference it makes? South Africans need support from our government. Both in forms of food, and health care.
And no, Jacob Zuma, taking a shower is not going to solve the problem of aids. And do you not realise that pretty much the majority of our country don’t have access to showers let alone running water? Hmm. Think about that next time you degrade one of your many wives.
Okay, this is it for the cons as i could go on forever. *cough cough* crime *cough cough* what happens after the world cup *cough cough* human trafficking *cough cough* excuse me, i accidentally breathed in my food.

Pros of this World Cup thing

South Africa is supposedly a diverse country. However, those living in it know the unfortunate truth. With Apartheid shadowing over us permanently, it is nearly impossible to forget it and move on with life. Especially since younger generations such as my own have not experienced apartheid and do not understand why we should pay for our ancestors? Don’t get me wrong. I am completely against apartheid and all that comes along with it. I just believe that i did not do anything wrong. I don’t have, have never had and will not ever have anything against anyone of another race. This is one thing that the world cup has aided South Africa with. BAFANA BAFANA! There’s no "kaizer chiefs" or "Orlando pirates" There’s just Bafana Bafana. This unifies us. It doesn’t matter whether you’re black, white, Indian, Asian, were all one. We stand together as one team against the rest of the world. One thing i noticed yesterday when we celebrated the opening of the world cup was that driving through my area there was a buzz. A buzz that was shared throughout races. Everyone forgot their hatred and prejudice and came together as a country. This is something our country does in fact need.

So ill leave it up to you, The 2010 World Cup, Hosted by our own South Africa, Love it or Hate it?

School

A place we all go to get brainwasher. A place where were encouraged not to be ourselves and to fit in with everyone else. WHat a place to grow up, right?

.daTes.

can you not return to the way it was before? being something amoungst a vast nothing. A nothing with a something. Me with a you. A you wanting to be with a Me. a me wanting to be anything but a you.

If i could go back, 22nd December 2009, i would change the world. I would change my ideas i would change my mind i would change so that it didnt affect me how it currently does.

If i could go back, 28 April 2009, i would change my life. A life fulled with something i still greatly yearn for and wish for. A life that consists of what i need. What i fight for. All i would ever want.

If i could go back...if i could go back. I would go back. 30 December 2006. 28th April 2007. 4 September 2008. 28th April 2009. Some i cherish and some i regret, some i wish i knew nothing of. But ill always know something of nothing of how i feel. Lets take a walk down memory milky lane to the abator, they can slaughter a cow why not slaughter my regrets? slaughter. sick bastards. Make the change.